What Might Have Been
by Princess Squirrel
Summary: What happens when new relationships bring up old feelings.
1. Default Chapter

What Might Have Been

By 

Chapter 1 of series Lonely Too Long

She sits in her office alone thinking about him, about things that will never be again. When she took this job as hospital administrator she knew their relationship would change, but she hadn't anticipated it would affect her this much, this way. His obvious looks of disdain every time he sees her, how he avoids any contact with her. She acts like it doesn't bother her but deep down it does. They used to be friends. Used to be lovers. But all of that changed. After his misdiagnoses. His mistake. His leg. Then he cut her off. Cut everyone off. Except for Wilson. And she never forgave him for that. Never will forgive him for that. She had no problem with it. Still doesn't. But being the stubborn ass that he is, he pushed her away, cut her off, and now he acts like nothing ever happened, and that hurts more than anything. She thought they had something.

They were together for 2 years. Met when she started at the hospital. He wasn't as gruff then, and she was easily charmed by him. For their first date then went out to dinner at a little Italian restaurant then walked around the city a little. He took her home and left her with a little kiss on the cheek. They didn't spend the night together until after they were dating a little over a month. She wasn't easy after all. They started spending more and more time together. She spent almost every waking moment thinking about him. What he was doing, when she would see him again. They started spending their weekends at one or the others apartments, most of the time not even going out. The weekends turned into weeks until they eventually ended up moving in together.

She bought out the end of the lease on her apartment and moved in as soon as possible. Things went well for a long while. Then he started experiencing leg pain. It got worse everyday. She tried to get him to go see a doctor but why do that when you are a doctor? He thought it was sciatica or something of that sort and ignored it. And that was just the wrong thing to do. By the time he finally did go see someone it was too far gone. The muscle death had already began. He didn't tell her for 2 weeks. Was short, angry, not his usual self back then. She didn't know what was wrong and he wouldn't tell her, didn't know what she could do. After about 2 1/2 weeks he finally told her. She was furious. Why hadn't he told her? Did he not think she could handle it? She loved him dammit! And they would get through it together. But he would hear none of it. He broke it off with her that night. Broke off their relationship. Broke her spirit. Broke her heart.

So now most nights consist of this. Her sitting alone in her office thinking of the way things used to be. How things could have maybe been different if he would have just listened and let her stay. But those are all what ifs. There is no going back and changing things. He changed after that. But she would still go back to him if he said the word. After these years and all that's happened she still loved him. She guesses she always will.

She gets up and collects her things, putting on her coat, turning off the light. All of that is ancient history now. She'll go home now to her empty apartment, the one she rented once they had broken up, once he had broken up with her, take a hot shower and crawl into bed alone. Try to go sleep and try not to remember what it felt like to fall asleep in his arms. Its time to move on. He has.


	2. Here Goes Nothing

Here Goes Nothing

By 2 of series Lonely Too Long

She stood outside his office door weighing her options. When he had come to see her today after she had spoken to the husband she told him more than she had intended too. He saw her vulnerable side, another thing she hadn't intended to happen. And now she felt obligated to say something to him about it or it would hang between them like an unspoken affair. But first she had to get up the nerve to do it. Its not that he was an unapproachable man, it was just that she opened herself up to him, something she hadn't intended to do, and she didn't want him to think, hell she didn't know what she didn't want him to think. She didn't even know what she was going to say to him. She never did. She just knew she had to talk to him.

"Cameron", as if using some sixth sense knowing she is there. "Are you going to come in here or stand there and hold up the wall all day" Well, there was no turning back now. She grabs the handle to the door, takes a deep breath, and pulls open the door. With downcast eyes she enters the room, wringing her hands, hoping her nervousness isn't as apparent as she thinks it is. "Well", he asks seeming irritated like he always is.

"I, um, just, about earlier today, I wanted to apologize. I usually don't get that emotional and I didn't mean to unload on you either. It just kind of hit home with me I guess and brought back some memories."

He seemed to get a little uncomfortable at the mention of what had happened earlier in the day. Getting up from his chair, he said "That's completely understandable. What happened to you shouldn't happen to anyone that young."

They both just stood there for a moment in silence, him leaning on his cane looking at her, she looking at her hands, somewhat surprised by his kindness twice in one day. All of sudden she realized how close they actually were, she didn't know why and also didn't know that at exactly the same time he realized it too. She finally got the nerve to look up and saw something in his eyes she hadn't seen before. There was almost a kindness there, a softening of sort. There eyes had locked, it made them both wonder what the hell was going on. Neither expected this when the conversation started.

"Why hasn't she left yet and why is she looking at me like that" was all he could think. However he couldn't bring himself to move from that position or draw himself away from her eyes either. "Well, this is interesting."

She had to do something. They couldn't stand here like this all day, someone was bound to come in, Chase, Foreman, Dr. Wilson. "Ok, here goes nothing."

"Well, like I said I just wanted to thank you for being there for me. I appreciate it Dr. House." And with that she stepped forward, leaned up and placed a light kiss on his cheek. While he stood there stunned she turned and practically ran out of the room.

"I have to say something before she's gone" he thought, as she was beating her hasty retreat. "Dr. Cameron." She stopped for just a second and turned around, her eyes slowly meeting his revealing the slight blush on her cheeks. "Your welcome."

With this she gave a nod and a small smile and continued her retreat from the room, leaving him standing there speechless. What had just happened? And why had he liked it? Well, he didn't really have time to think about that right now, he had to get to the clinic before Dr. Cuddy, or Attila the Hun, as he has so affectionately taken to calling her comes looking for him. But as he walked out of his office he had one last thought, when is he going to see Cameron again?


	3. No Turning Back

No Turning Back

By 3 of series Lonely Too Long

He was sitting alone at his apartment, sipping on a scotch, mindlessly playing something on the piano thinking about what had happened earlier that day. Why had she kissed him? First there was the Christmas present, then the birthday wish when he didn't even know it was his birthday, then the moment in the lab about her husband, and then the kiss. And he enjoyed all of them. There was definitely something going on between them and there shouldn't be. He was her superior. Old enough to be her father no doubt. But she was also gorgeous. Smart. Beautiful. And damaged. And interested in a mean old guy like him. Well, stranger things had happened in the history of the world. Like,

Knock, knock

He stopped playing and leaned his head in the direction of the door, sure he had misheard, but there it was again.

Knock knock

He sat down his scotch, grabbed his cane, and walked to the door. Opening the door expecting to see Wilson there after another bout with Julie but the person who was standing there could not have surprised him more. Cameron. There she was. Standing there looking as nervous as an expectant parent.

"Hi." She managed to squeak out.

"Cameron, what are you doing here" Not that he wasn't a little happy to see her. Surprised and happy. The nights sitting in the apartment with no one for company but the piano and a glass of booze get a little depressing after awhile.

"I was out driving around, and ended up in your neighborhood, and I, um, thought I'd stop by. I hope that's ok." She looked like she was ready to bolt. He better say something before she made good on it. All of a sudden the last thing he wanted was to be alone tonight at this very moment.

"Come in." He stepped out of the way and she slowly entered the room taking everything in, making him wish for once he was at least somewhat of a tidy person. But she didn't seem to mind. She took off her jacket and laid it across the back of a chair. He motioned for her to sit down and she accepted.

"You play" She asked, motioning to the piano, and for the first time in a great while he actually fought the urge to come back with a quick retort. "Yes, I do." She gave a little smile and went back to staring intently at her hands.

"So what really brings you here Cameron" He asked, knowing full well she wasn't in his neighborhood; she lived a full 3 miles away. "I was sitting at home, thinking about all that's happened, and what I told you about my husband, and I was feeling very lonely and depressed. And you are the only person here that knows what happened. And I trust you. And I have the feeling that you know what it feels like to be lonely too. So I got in my car and came here because I figure we can keep each other company and each others minds off what we don't want to think about."

"Then can I ask you something that's been on my mind the past couple of days" He asked, thinking the timing was right to get his answer to a question that's been playing on his mind, thinking that he cant believe that he trusts her too, and that he's comfortable with her, and scared of what her answer will be.

"Yea, sure." He gets up, and comes over to where she is sitting almost instinctively, and takes a seat next to her. He can see her sit straighter, but turn towards him nonetheless.


	4. Waking Up Alone

Waking Up Alone

By 4 of series Lonely Too Long

It had been a couple of days since the night at his apartment. The night they had both let their respective guards down. The night they had made love. The night they won't speak of or acknowledge. They had made their way from the living room to the bedroom rather quickly. No words were spoken. They slowly undressed each other, and made their way to the bed. She was unsure of herself because of his leg but quickly learned that it didn't impede anything. He made love to her slow and passionately, paying attention to every inch of her body. They climaxed simultaneously and lay spent in each other's arms until they were both asleep. Once she was sure he was asleep, she quietly got up, got dressed, and snuck out of the apartment. She was afraid if she stayed the night she wouldn't like his reaction to the previous nights events the next morning.

He awoke the next morning in a good mood until he realized that his bed was as empty as it is every morning. She had left him overnight. He knew it had been a mistake. Last night he thought it was right. They were both lonely. Both damaged. And she obviously regretted what happened or she wouldn't have left so abruptly in the dead of night. Now how was he going to face her at the hospital? As her superior? Knowing that he wanted to see her again.

But that didn't turn out to be an issue. She did a good job of avoiding him at all costs. They were never alone together. Either Chase or Foreman or both were in the room. She was afraid of what he would say when they were alone. Afraid he would say it was a mistake. Which it probably was, but it didn't feel that way. She felt something for him. Hell with the age difference, the fact that he was her boss. They shared something that night. He couldn't even deny that. But she couldn't put herself in the situation to find out how he felt. Not yet.

He wanted to be alone with her. But every time the chance arose she ran away. What was she so afraid of? Was what happened that awful for her to think about? These thoughts ran through his head 100 times a day. And nothing could stop it. He couldn't talk to anyone about it. The only person he really talked to being Wilson and this was something he definitely could not breach with him. God the lecture he would receive! He would just have to confront her head on. It was the only way. And it wouldn't be at the office.

That night he went home, changed clothes, put on some cologne (yes, cologne), and set out on his mission. He was going to find out where he stood once and for all. When he got to her front door he immediately regretted his decision. Thinking he should have just let it go. But he couldn't. He felt too much. And he had to know. He raised his hand, took a deep breath and knocked.

She was sitting in her apartment, staring at the wall, thinking about everything and nothing, when she heard the knock. Wondering who would be coming to see her she got up and went to the door. Another knock came rather impatiently. She opened the door and instantly became nervous over her visitor.

She opened the door, and all he managed to get out was a "Hi", much like her announcement when she had come to see him a few days before. She stepped aside and invited him in. He took in her cleanly apartment, not the least bit surprised. He took a seat, as did she. Now, where to begin.

"Cameron, about what happened the other night." Uh oh, here we go, she thinks. "You left in the middle of the night. I woke up and you were gone."

"I figured it was better that way. Neither of us planned on that happening and I know how you like your privacy and everything I just figured you'd like it better if I just left."

"Well, that was a mouthful. You should really come up for air sometimes when you talk." This got a slight smile out of her. "I, this is hard for me to say. I wanted you to be there when I woke up. I was disappointed when you weren't. I don't think what happened was a mistake and I hope you don't either."

She sat there a little shocked. She had been avoiding him afraid of what his reaction would be and it turns out he felt the same way she did. Now what did she say to him"Well, are you sure this is a good idea though? I mean, we work together and you're my boss. I want to try it but I don't want it to harm our working relationship."

"I'm willing to try it if you are" he said as he took her hands in his. He couldn't believe he was being this candid with someone, much less a woman, much less a woman half his age. This could get interesting.

"Well, then so am I" she said with a smile. This could get very interesting. Neither one not really knowing what to do, he got up to leave. She sat there for a minute letting what just happened sink in. By the time she came back to reality he was almost to the door. "Wait."

She went to where he was standing at the door and look up at him in a new light. She reached up, took his face in her hands, and kissed him. That kiss turned into another. And another. And before long, he was no longer going home. He was staying the night with her again, and this time there would be no quick retreats in the middle of the night. They would wake up in each other's arms.


	5. The Morning After

Lonely Too Long

By Katie

Chapter 5 The Morning After

She came into work the next day same as she always did. As she stopped at the front desk to get her messages she heard the door open again behind her. She didn't really pay any attention to it. It could be anyone. But as she started to walk away she heard his unmistakable laugh that is so rare to hear nowadays. It caught her attention and forced her to look up. And there he was, walking in with Cameron. Under any other set of circumstances this wouldn't be unusual but Cameron is there everyday thirty minutes before everyone else. House doesn't get there until the stroke of nine. And yet here they were walking in at a quarter to nine, together, whispering to each other, like, well, like two lovers sharing a secret. It caught her off guard. She couldn't look away and leave in time and they both looked up and saw her.

"Morning Doctor Cuddy," Cameron said in her usual chipper way. House just stood there and looked at her not knowing what to do.

"Good morning Cameron," she said. The three of them stood there a second and Cameron must have sensed something was going on that she didn't understand.

"I'm going to head upstairs. I'll see you in a little bit Gregg. Doctor Cuddy." And with that she left and they were alone.

"Gregg? Getting awfully friendly with your staff aren't you Doctor House?" she said, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Lisa, let me explain," he said, knowing she knew something had happened between him and Cameron. He never meant to hurt her all those years ago and it wasn't his intention to pour salt on those wounds now. He never still had having feelings for her, but she was part of his past, part of what his life used to be. Part of what his life would never be again.

"There's no need to explain anything. We are both adults. Nothing but colleagues. What you do in your personal life is your business. Just make sure it doesn't affect your work or it will become my business," and with that she walked away leaving him standing there.

_Shit_. She was really going to mess with him now. What's the old saying, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? But maybe she wasn't scorned. Maybe he was just flattering himself. She could do much better than him. Maybe she didn't really give a damn, she just looked surprised that was all. He had never meant to hurt her. Not then, and certainly not now. Well, he didn't have time to think about it now, he had to get upstairs. He'd try talking to her again later.

She walked into her office, closed the door behind her, and plopped into her chair without even taking off her coat. _House and Cameron?_ She should have seen it coming. The way she hung around him like a lost puppy. The way she looked at him. And of course he'd be flattered that such an attractive young girl would be interested in him. But she never really let herself accept the fact that one day he would find someone else. She was ok with their split as long as he was as alone as she was, but now he had found someone, and it wasn't her. Her heart ached at the thought of it. She would love him till the day she died, that she was sure of. However, he obviously didn't feel the same way. He probably never even thought of her. This brought some tears to her eyes that she quickly wiped away. There was no time for that now. She had work to do.


End file.
